Overheard in the Doctor's Office

I work at a pain management clinic, so I hear ridiculous things all day long. And I mean ALL DAY LONG. Sometimes, if I don't tell someone right away, I forget them, so I decided I should start making a list of things I hear... this should be REALLY good.

Well, I suddenly don't listen to patients as much as I used to!

Patient: [pointing to the word "incontinence" on her paperwork] What does that mean? How do I know I have it?

Me: Well, if you're having any issues, you can just discuss it with your provider when you see them today.

Patient: Oh. Yeah, cause I don't know what that means.... but I don't pee as much as I used to.

Well my day's been pretty shitty too...

Me: Oh hi! How's your day goin' today?

Patient: Oh... not so good. I started bleeding rectally last night. I have to go to a lab and get tested right after... [garbled mumbling because I tuned out from disbelief of my conversation.]