Overheard in the Classroom

A Terrifying Truth of America's Youth

Student: Miss, weren't you the choir teacher?

Me: Yes.

Student: Why aren't you doing that anymore?

Me: I was just subbing for one of the teachers who was out.

Student: Why was she gone for so long?

Me: She was on maternity leave. She had a baby.

Student: Why?

Me: [Jokingly] You see, when a man and a woman love each other... just kidding, we're not having that conversation.

Student: Oh no miss, I don't want to have that talk again.

Me: Oh, so you've already had "The Talk"?

Student: Yeah, my parents talked to me about it. Well, some of it. Everything else, I learned from Glee.

Oh Glee.

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

Maybe we should switch to military time?

Patient: I had an appointment at 10 o'clock [it's 10:50], but I thought it was at 1 o'clock. Can the doc still see me?

Me: Well, the doctor has to be out of the office in just a little and he's already running behind so I don't believe it'll be possible for you to be seen today.

Patient: Well, I normally see the nurse, can she still see me?

Me: Well, she also has to be out of the office pretty soon, so I don't think there will be time to fit you in.

Patient: Well what do you want me to do?! DIE without my medication? [Yes, she said this.]

Me: I'm going to transfer you over to our scheduler and she can find a time for you to come in.

Patient: I THOUGHT my appointment was at 1! I didn't have my glasses on when I looked at my appointment card last night and I THOUGHT IT SAID 1! I didn't know it was at 10!

Me: I understand, it's just a mix-up, it happens all the time.

Patient: And now I'm getting punished for it. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!

Me: [Oh so patiently] I am going to transfer you to our scheduler. Have a great day!

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

More whiteisms that I just do not understand...

LC: What time is dinner?

Me: 5:15

LC: Oh, so we gotta leave like right after.

Me: Yep!

LC: We gotta shit 'n get...

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

Is this something people say?

Me: Hey ____, how are you doin'?

Patient: Oh, well... I'm hangin' in there like a toenail!

**I realize this isn't so much gross or rude like I often portray my patients to be... but it was weird and unexpected. I really do want to know though, is this like... a white-ism that I'm not familiar with?

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

I guess it's back to the future for her...

Patient: What's the date today?

Me: The 11th.

Patient: [slowly writes down the date on her paperwork] '01?

Me: '10.

Patient: [stares blankly at me]

Me: ... '10.

Patient: [continues to stare blankly at me]

Me: ... '10...?

Patient: [yep, still staring]

Me: Twenty-ten. ...'10.

Patient: [still unresponsive]

Me: It's... 2010.

Patient: [raises eyebrow (as if she is just doing this to humor me) as she writes '10 on her paperwork]

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

Often our patients will say things that surprise me, amuse me, or make me want to gag... but today... today's was pure shock.

How many calories do I burn when I cry?

Patient henceforth known as "&*%#!": You're not... [hesitation]... it's probably just the dress [slight pause]... but... you're not... [deep breath]... pregnant... are you?

I'm not the ONLY one who was shocked by this comment:

When Kanye told Taylor what she said, Taylor was also appalled! She was so appalled that it moved Beyonce to be shocked too!

01/25/09 - 01/31/09 Totals:
Days of the week spent exercising: 5/7
Minutes spent exercising: 377 (171 over my 210 goal!)
Calories burned: 3,159
Weight: +21.8 (fucking pigs in blankets)

Girl scout cookies consumed: too many!!!!

Overheard in the Doctor's Office

I work at a pain management clinic, so I hear ridiculous things all day long. And I mean ALL DAY LONG. Sometimes, if I don't tell someone right away, I forget them, so I decided I should start making a list of things I hear... this should be REALLY good.

Well, I suddenly don't listen to patients as much as I used to!

Patient: [pointing to the word "incontinence" on her paperwork] What does that mean? How do I know I have it?

Me: Well, if you're having any issues, you can just discuss it with your provider when you see them today.

Patient: Oh. Yeah, cause I don't know what that means.... but I don't pee as much as I used to.

Well my day's been pretty shitty too...

Me: Oh hi! How's your day goin' today?

Patient: Oh... not so good. I started bleeding rectally last night. I have to go to a lab and get tested right after... [garbled mumbling because I tuned out from disbelief of my conversation.]