According to Calorieking.com (I decided it was worth rejoining if I wanted to stay on top of this for real this time--didn't I say that a year ago?), I need to stay motivated. First, I need to pinpoint what my motivation is before I can repeat it to myself.
To save money by not having to buy new clothes.I've already had to buy my "fat" clothes. I'm starting to not fit them. This is very disheartening. And costly. I refuse to buy more. RE-FUSE!
To be able to fit into my favorite old clothes again.
Pink/White Anthropologie dress: Last seen in the summer of 2007 in Paris, France.
Yellow Anthropologie dress: Last seen (comfortably) in the summer of 2007 in Rome, Italy.I do recall wearing it another time in the spring of '08 at Shelby Kiles's birthday party... but the dress to about ready to burst at the seams.
Grey Anthropologie dress: I do not actually have a photo of myself wearing this dress. I've only worn it once. I bought it unable to fit into it. I lost a little weight, and wore it to work triumphantly. I have since been unable to wear it again.
Green polka dot Anthropologie shirt: It's not necessary even my favorite, but it's one of those shirts I know I can only wear when I'm a skinny bitch. I therefore want to wear it.
Green Anthropologie shirt: Another one of those shirts that simply say "skinny bitch" to me. I'm missing two buttons because I was too fat to wear it the last time I wore it.
Old Navy Diva Cut Skinny Jeans: My first pair of skinny jeans. Purchased August 2007. They fit awesomely. Last seen (comfortably) in October 2007. Shortly after, I started to feel my thighs become one with these jeans. Shortly after I could barely get them past my calves.
To be a match for Thomas on the tennis court.
When Thomas and I first started playing together, we had a knock down drag out 20+ games to see who would win by at least 2 games. I don't remember who won/lost, but I do remember that this is quite possibly the first and last time I was ever a match for him. I hate when he beats me at anything. Physically, he is obviously superior to me, but I could at least make it a bit harder for him. Once this is done, the next goal will be to win ONE SET (just one) against Buddy.
To regain confidence and just feel good about myself again.
This is probably the most personal and "important" motivator. It's also the hardest to really quantify/measure, but I think I'll know it when I feel it. I distinctly remember the summer of 2006, when I first started to do any sort of running/exercise. I started to get comments on how I looked slightly different (mostly because my face seems to, thankfully, be the first to feel the effects of weight loss). This was awesome. I need this again. Fat face and triple chins suck. My "ugly" faces in pictures have been extra ugly as of late.
To be more healthy.
This seems obvious, but still a motivator worth mentioning. I don't want to overweight. I don't want to have bad eating habits. I might as well crush them now while I'm still young and able to change. I do not want to be the fat girl who hates herself because she's fat. And I will haaaate myself if I get to the next weight benchmark that I never thought was even possible for myself. Didn't think it was possible. Seriously. But it's there, looming only a few pounds away. Sickening. So. Health. Health & a good heart. Very important.
Next up on the list of things I need to think about are my barriers. The stupid shit that's been keeping me from doing what I know is right.
Lazy
That's pretty much it. I don't even necessarily need to be tired or exhausted, I just want to not fucking want to do anything. This is my biggest barrier. I struggle with it on a daily basis.
Tired
Long day's work. Usually days like Wednesday when we're in clinic all day. It's bad enough that somehow, despite the amount of sleep I may or may not get, I always want more. I wake up in the morning and, unlike Ke$ha, I do not feel like P. Diddy, but instead daydream about the nap that I will most definitely be taking after work. This typically doesn't happen, but even after work, I think that I'll go home and fall asleep immediately.
Ramen
It's the taste I love. I literally want to eat it almost ALL the time. I usually have to not have it around so I can avoid it. It's really the best way. I'm already thinking about going home and eating some more--hey, I'm only at 52 net calories right now! Somehow, the thought of an 8 cent package of instant ramen will always make my mouth salivate. Even after finishing one packet, I'll daydream about another. Usually I don't have the self discipline to talk myself out of it. Which leads me to the next reason...
Lack of Self-Discipline
This doesn't apply to binge-eating ramen (or deciding to eat it at 1 am even though I'm not even actually hungry), but going to work out. This might be similar to the first two barriers, but I think it's big enough that it can be it's own category. I have no self-discipline. Some days I pack a gym bag, tell myself all day that I'm going to work out, and at 5:01, I get in my car and know that I am heading towards mopac, going north, and going home. I tell myself it's okay. I don't need to keep myself accountable to or for anyone but myself, and since myself is saying it's okay to go home... I feel it's perfectly okay to go home. This needs to change.
Not Enough Time
I'll tell myself there's not enough time to go work out, or to make a proper dinner. There's always time. I spend hours upon hours doing nothing substantial online and watching tv. I can take 30 minutes for a walk or to at least cook something healthy. That reminds me, I need to take the time to learn to cook something healthy. This should probably be counted as a barrier, but as my issue I'm struggling with is more exercise based (at least as of now) than food based, I will not consider a barrier. Maybe I'll add it when (if) I ever meet my intermediate weight goal.
This is the first time I've paid attention to this function on the website. I thought it was rubbish (this word is definitely being used thanks to me just finishing Bridget Jones's Diary), so I never paid attention to it the first go around. Maybe that's why I sucked the first go around.
