My grandma passed away a few nights ago. I haven't said anything about it really because I'm kind of at a loss of things to say. My sisters have all written wonderful things (see
here,
here, and
here) about her. I'm not saying I don't have wonderful things to say about my grandma, I just wish I had MORE wonderful things to say about my grandma.
My grandma is the only grandparent I ever knew. She's my mom's mom and I always thought she was cool. She lived by herself (BY HERSELF) in an apartment for the entire time I knew her (with the exception of the last couple years in which her kids hired some help). She baked. She baked these muffins with raisins in them. I remember not liking them all that much when I was really little, but I think it was just because there wasn't any icing on it, and come on, I needed icing, not raisins. As I grew up, however, I LOOOOVED those muffins. But the best is her Banh Choux (I had to google it just now to make sure I was spelling it right and OMG my mouth watered as soon as the google images popped up). I remember always being the first ones over to her apartment for family functions and having to help fill the banh choux. I remember Katie and I used to say how much we wanted to spend a summer taking baking lessons with grandma. We never did do that.
My grandma also knitted. One year she knitted her granddaughters (did she do it for all of us? I guess so? That's a looooooooot of knitting) blankets. She asked us for two colors that we would like. Katie had just learned about complementary colors and had just told me about them shortly before this. Katie always liked the color purple, I think, so she went with purple and yellow. I think even back then I liked the color green, but I definitely didn't want green and red (Christmas, much?) so I opted for pink and light green. It actually ended up matching the pink and green Minnie Mouse bed sheets that I had forever. I looooove that blanket. It keeps me very very warm on cold nights (as few and far between as they can be in Texas).
One thing I always thought was funny about grandma was how I was pretty sure her English was better than my mom's. That was just the more independent side of her, I guess. She was up and about around town and she needed to know English, so she made sure she knew it.
Sometimes my parents would go to these all-day parties with their friends (my dad's old alumni parties, if you will). If my brother and his wife and kids weren't available to babysit me (and I use that term loosely, as at this point I was easily 13 or 14), sometimes I'd end up at grandma's. This prospect was always terrifying to me. Mostly because this was in the height of my internet usage days. With no internet, I at least wanted to be on the phone, but I felt guilty tying up my grandma's phone line since she didn't have call waiting. I remember one time in particular I felt like this had to be the most boring day of my life. Then grandma pulled out some movies out of nowhere and asked me if I wanted to watch any of them. One of the movies she had was one of my favorite movies--Ever After. So that afternoon I spent the time watching the movie with grandma while she knitted. I remember thinking she was so cool to have this movie.
If I have any regrets when it comes to my grandma, I guess I regret not talking to her more. I guess when there's approximately 70 years and a language barrier, you don't really know what to talk about. Not the best excuse in the world, but it doesn't mean it's not the truth. I do remember thinking she had to pretty cool because she used to ask me if I had a boyfriend wayyyyy before my parents even allowed me to openly speak to boys on the phone. :)
Some of my best childhood memories involve playing hide and seek with my cousins in her bedroom. Her apartment used to seem so huge to me. How did 8 of us hide in that one room? We used to turn off the lights and play weird hiding/fighting games too. We used to play pretend or act out stories that Lilly told us. We used to tell ghost stories in her room. We STILL gamble in her room. Or rather, we gambled in her room this past Tet. Will we ever go back there ever again? I've been going there for 24 years. Still, the whole point of this is that my BEST--BEST, as in of ALL TIME--memories are all family related. With all 8 of my brothers and sisters. With all 30 or so of us first cousins. With all of my aunts and uncles. Our family matriarch, my grandma, Pham Bich Hue, is the one who, without her, none of that could ever have been possible. That, in itself, makes for a GREAT woman.
I haven't cried all that much since getting the news. I cried initially, I cried a bit more randomly that day, but since then, I haven't really cried. I think it helped that Lisa and I drove down to Houston one night a couple of weeks ago to see her. She managed to open her eyes and smile at us a few times. She tried to say something, but I don't think any of us could've made out what it was she was saying. What helps the most, however, is that my mom seems okay. She knows that grandma is with God and she is on longer suffering. She also had a very long and happy life filled with lots of love.
We'll miss you grandma, but say hi to grandpa for me!
P.S. She was born on St. Patrick's Day! GREEN! :)
P.P.S. I just saw how much I wrote. Didn't mean to write that much. Sorry, bad habit of mine.
